|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
CluelessPain comes in many ways...
I've realized though,
that the worst is when,
someone you care about most,
doesn't care back,
especially when you really want them to,
but they have no clue,
and they don't ask either.
They just tolerate your questions,
answering with one word answers,
totally unaware of the tears
sliding down your cheeks,
and all the while you keep hoping they'll
ask how you are
and prove you wrong about them not caring.
You could be sitting there,
in the darkness,
sobbing your heart out,
and they wouldn't even know,
because you don't want to feel like
you are bothering them with your feelings
since they obviously haven't cared enough
to ask for years anyway.
That's pain. A horrible kind... But very real.
Just some more lousy feelings...The loneliness is eating me,
driving sadness into my heart,
something that just won't part.
I keep wishing and hoping
and wondering if I'll ever have
a friend who will stick around.
I have been trying, so very hard,
to find someone new,
who will stay with me.
But its hard,
very much so,
to find someone to befriend.
They stay for a little
before they break my heart,
since they leave without reason.
I tell Daddy that I'm lonely
but he just blames my small school,
nothing else is done.
Mommy doesn't care,
whenever I share,
so I just aimlessly stare.
My love is so busy,
with a career all planned,
and I can't help but feel left out.
Everyone's got something to do,
except for little me,
who been so useless.
I've been a puppet,
for so long
that I'm just very hopeless.
My siblings are growing up
and I'm stuck here,
silently cheering them on.
No one knows,
and no one cares,
that I'm alone and crying again.
Daddy's too busy,
he just blames it all,
on me being a girl.
I try so hard to be good in
VoicesThey are always there,
but they can't help me.
Sometimes, they make me think
that I am crazy.
It's no better than talking to myself,
a voice says in my head.
But its better than being lonely,
sitting on my bed.
They understand me,
I know their stories,
they know mine.
We are constantly changing,
my friends and I.
But they have each other,
along with me.
They are made up but of words,
a world all my own.
Like real people,
they bug me.
They are so real to me,
but not to anyone else.
I wish I could love them,
the way they love me.
I laugh at their memories,
there and not there.
I know all about them,
yet I was never there.
Its like a book,
go the whispers.
They keep me sane,
though not by much.
Without them I fear
I made them up,
but I'm losing everything.
They sit there,
always there with me.
They can't stop me when
I decide on pain.
They don't cry,
when I say I can't stay.
Nor can they hug me,
when its so very needed.
They know that's the job
Two HalvesTheir whispers are growing
but I try to ignore.
I cradle my head,
as I sit like a stone.
Wishing away the demons to home,
they are so confusing yet alluring.
There used to be others,
better voices that spoke.
But they've been all but snuffed out,
hidden where I can't find them.
The demons, the bad ones,
have taken my friends.
The good ones, my companions,
are trying to fight free.
They know I am hurting,
but there's only so much they can do.
They used to work together,
in teams with those outside.
Both sets kept me together,
and I'll never forget.
But some force snapped them up,
one I wish gone.
One half isn't enough anymore,
but their pair is long gone.
They can only watch as
their world and mine crumble.
I tell them I'm sorry
and they just shake their heads.
They know I am trying,
but its just not enough.
Their hands can't quite touch me,
they are just made of words.
It used to be different,
I swear to you it was.
But my two halves fell apart,
and it spilled out like a curse.
KlaySweet brown eyes,
short black fur
speckled with white like snow,
made your lovely coat.
Your compassion knew no bounds,
as you let out your joy,
surrounded by such love,
the happiness busted through.
It feels like just yesterday,
that you were perfect,
happy as could be,
playing in the yard.
Even as quickly as it occurred,
you still showed no sadness,
though I broke down in tears,
for you had only 7 years.
I wasn't there for you
when it all ended,
but I hope you remembered,
how much you meant to me.
Even though it was hard,
I'm glad you are free
from all that pain
and lack of mobility.
All I have left
is a print of your paw
and a box full of ashes,
that once were my dog.
I just want to say,
that I love you, Klay.
won't you look at me?
Do you still see me,
in all the darkness
that's grown there?
Do you see the tear-filled eyes,
behind your little girl's mask,
or is it too far in the past?
Do you choose to only see
the little girl
that loved you most?
Do you hate me, Mommy?
Did I disappoint you, Daddy?
Why do you turn away from me?
You took away the only ones
who mattered to me.
For my brothers aren't mine anymore.
You let them grow up too fast,
like you did to me.
But you can't see how messed up we could be.
You turn a blind eye,
and tell us you love us.
Fill us with more lies.
Mommy, I am so sorry I'm not who you want me to be.
Daddy, I am so sorry I'm not good enough.
I apologize to both of you, but I'm slowly giving up.
Daddy, you have no time for my tears, I know.
Mommy, you will never understand me, I can tell.
You both always taught me
that parents are supposed to care,
yet I feel so isolated.
Daddy, I wish you'd hold me,
and tell me that i
I AmI am single,
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
Two Years LaterShe asked him gently, “Do you love me?”
In his long silence, she found closure,
And left her love under a willow tree.
lung canceri will die with your name on my lips
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.
i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.
your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.
they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
All Her Little ThingsStop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from..
Stop demanding her to do things,
Things she can't accomplish,
Things she can't imagine being done...
Stop lying to her,
Telling her you love her,
Want her, need her...
When all you've ever done is make her want to
Stop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from...
When those little things you've done
Take her down...
The little things won't matter anymore.
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,
the longest night of the year.
you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.
i knew you were not meant to last,
powerful as a gale but fragile as
the tulip stems you snapped,
a sickening cycle of you,
an overwhelming tidal wave.
they say two wrongs will never make a right,
but i made so many bad choices that
i wound up back where I began.
it was too easy to love you,
but getting you to love me back was impossible.
i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,
until my nails split into shards.
you were born a phantom,
and i, your corpse.
holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;
i fought but always sank into your arms.
i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, and
found my organs choked with you,
smothered by your existence.
you sucked out my breath
every time i kissed you.
i died every day with your hand
knotted in my hair.
You left on june 21st,
the longest day of the year.
i bit down sorrow and deconstructed
the labyrinth within me,
the one you hadn't th
Eye of the StormI believed I could make the wind blow,
and force the moon to shine at night,
create rainbows just by thinking,
and hold tea parties for fairies in July,
I was the queen of my own graceful lands.
Yet, I grew old and realized,
I am the kind of girl who'd trip and fall,
often for stepping on her own feet.
My crown of diamond and gold
now a rusted piece of bronze,
I lost my throne to treason, my kingdom to hate,
I became the eye of a hurricane,
loaded with mishaps I need to atone.
I felt the soft touches of angels,
and lost my own wings to demons who could crush stone.
Felt the scorching tears run so often,
I knew I must have hit bottom low.
I had nothing holy, no one to call dear,
but here I am, the starting point of my own storm.
I felt fear, clung to shadows,
encased my heart within marble walls,
and threw the keys that can unlock my soul.
So many chances I've lost with no love to seek,
and so many people I turned my back to.
I let the darkness gnaw through my bones.
Mirror, MirrorMirror, mirror, on the wall,
Watch it crumble, break and fall.
Look at all the bloody glass,
How it reminds them of a severed past.
Watch a reflection slowly disappear,
Looking at all the shattered, crushed mirrors.
A breathless state of mind goes by,
Am I just alive or did I die?
Confused and in an awe,
Careless people unknown to what one saw.
Throat slit so one can't be unlocked,
Too bad the thoughts have become blocked.
Crimson splatters, dripping, breaking away,
Thou shall not know the feeling of all the pain.
Oh, Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Why did you crumble, break and fall?
A stranger walked up to me today...A man walked up to me and asked me for a cigarette… I told him I didn't smoke anymore, and he asked me why? ––I answered "because the person I used to smoke with, isn't around anymore", and he replied…"that's why I smoke."
A woman walked up to me and asked me for drugs, I replied "I have several in store…his eyes, his smile, his hands"…she whispered, "that's not a drug"…and I laughed as I said.. "if only you knew."
A child walked up to me today and asked me to play a game, I told them I was too tired to play games, i'd been playing for years, they replied…"then you must be a pro!", to which I said "yes…a pro at losing."
An old woman stared at me today, and I asked her…"is something wrong?" she answered "I was about to ask you the same question."
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
Where have you gone, brother?We treated you with respect,
she idolized you as a brother,
I loved you like a friend.
You grew up with us,
went through fun times
as well as the sad and bad.
We were different,
that was plain to see,
but it didn't matter to me.
Did it matter to you,
is that why you left,
breaking our hearts to dust?
We almost never got along,
but we did in our heart song,
and that's all that I cared for.
We disagreed and yelled at another,
but we'd get over it and be again
like you were our brother.
You cared for us in your way,
helped us in our need,
and we did the same.
Why did you leave,
growing up and saying goodbye,
without even telling us...?
I miss you more everyday,
my heart aches with pain,
as the cracks deepen and bleed...
Where have you gone?
Keep in Touch!
^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More